and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
