My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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