Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
