No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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