my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
