I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
