What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
