can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
