she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
