ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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