you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
