i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am available for nakedness
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
