She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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