Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
