P.S. I can't hear my feet
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
