I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
