Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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