She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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