I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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