Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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