You're so nebulous sometimes
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
