I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All I want is dick and wine.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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