You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
