i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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