I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
