Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
