Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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