i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
