chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
