A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
