i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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