i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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