blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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