i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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