Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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