some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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