im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
