so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
