today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
