never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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