im holly from the hills drunk
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
