I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
