i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
