she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
