the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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