I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
