My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
