My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
