found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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