i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
