Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
