We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
